No Place for a Pessimist

It's been a rough morning. Kristen woke up nauseous and with bowel issues. She's back to sleep now after taking some anti nausea medicine and some Imodium. I on the other hand virtually didn't sleep. Kristen went to sleep last night with a headache and I started getting paranoid. I was awake until almost 3 a.m. I kept getting up to check on her to make sure she was breathing. I was obsessed with worry that her platelets were too low again. Much as I hate getting up early (extra early with the time change), I can't wait to take her in for labs tomorrow. I would almost bet money that she is low on potassium. Last time she had bad nausea and headaches after chemo that was the cause.

I went for a walk in the parking garage a little bit ago. I needed to destress from my near sleepless night. Even though I have faith that God is in control, I just can't always let go. Once those obsessive thoughts take hold it is very hard to shut them out. This time around I think I'm more overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation. Last year I was naive, now I have too much knowledge for my own good. Occasionally now those thoughts of 'what if we lose this battle' rear their ugly head.

So I guess I need you all to pray for me to get rest so that these pessimistic thoughts go away. Pray that I can see HIM in this battle. Right now I feel like the spring weather, sunny and optimistic one day, gray, cold and rainy the next. Pray that I continue to push myself to find healthy ways to destress, walks, prayer, meditation.

For Kristen please pray for us to be able to control the few symptoms that have appeared. She's got to be able to eat to retain her strength. Also the big item is prayer for remission. Our first big big goal.

1 Thessalonians 1:2