First let me start with a Dallas shout out. Poor Sus says that my faithful followers down South are missing me. I don't know where I'm going to go with the blogs. If I will continue my other one or start from scratch on something new. I do enjoy writing them. I am not ready to end this one just yet. There is still one more item that I would like to finish with. To complete the picture and give an ending to the story. In the mean time enjoy my ramblings. My head is full of scattershot and I can't quite compose a complete single topic blog.

It's been a week of ups and downs. It truly still feels unreal. In my mind Kristen is just across town or away at college. Then some trigger will give me a glimpse of reality. So I'd have to say that I personally am in the Denial Stage. Back in the old days when I was Psychology student, the Kubler-Ross model of grief only had 5 stages but now I see that there are 7.

Kubler-Ross Stages of Grief
Shock stage*: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
Testing stage*: Seeking realistic solutions.
Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

I do want to take a second to point out that we did get an answer to our prayers. We prayed for ultimate healing - Kristen is whole and healthy. Some might say that we didn't get our prayers answered but I would challenge them to really think about it. We pray for what we want from our earthly perspective. God answers prayers in his time in his way. We see a puzzle piece. He sees how the pieces fit together.

Our service for Kristen was everything I could have hoped for her. I left not sad but with joy for a life well lived. As we looked through old pictures we realized that 90% of them show her smiling. She was happy. She chose happy. I'm going to start choosing happy too.