Day 15

My little bald eagle and I are tired. It's been a lot of running around today. Now, I call her my little bald eagle because her hair has mostly fallen out and she just has these sparse little hairs that are baby soft. We had our expected IV of magnesium and platelets. What we weren't expecting was to have to go back to the hospital for an extra lab so they could run a blood culture and to pick up new medications. It seems her chest xray wasn't really clear after all. So she is at risk for pneumonia. Now we all know this would not be good in her already weakened state. They are having her do a CT scan in the morning to see her lungs more clearly. In the meantime, they have added in another antibiotic. She takes at least 20 pills a day. Her poor liver and kidneys. They are getting quite the workout. She managed all the walking today very well. So I won't be bugging her to exercise more today. She got in more than a mile. You quickly come to recognize the hospital regulars. We are the ones with back packs or large bags. I have this HUGE bag I carry. It has small cooler with drinks and another container with snacks. You always come prepared because you don't always know how long your day will be. Kristen carries around her own blankie and I have one of those in my bag as well. Now add in a book, magazine, cross stitch and PRN medication. Oh and I forgot my wallet and a bag of change for the vending machine if necessary. For those of us that remember Let's Make a Deal, I would probably have anything they ask for in that bag! I'll probably have to add in another cross stitch in the future. Kristen has been bitten by my bug. She hasn't done cross stitch since she was much younger. She said that then the pattern was printed on the cloth and it was much easier. Yeah, I know. Sometimes my eyes get crossed just trying to count the tiny squares.

I didn't sleep so well last night. Kristen had a slightly elevated temperature and we were both fearful of it getting higher and then we'd have to go back to the emergency room. It hit 100 at it's highest and at 100.5 they want you to come in. Thank God she was fever free in the morning. So all during the night it was like I had a newborn and was listening for any little squeak. I watch her like a hawk all day long for signs that something is off. She pointed out to me the other day that I was expressing some doubt. I would say "IF". After thinking about it, I realize that I'm showing some lack of faith that this one will work. It's definitely self protection since the relapse hit me so hard. So I really need to pray that I show faith that one day she will be beyond this. One day may be in the next few years or one day may be down the road. I also need to remember to focus on today alone. I forget that sometimes.

Prayer request: That Dr. Popat's team is able to quickly get to the bottom of her lung issues. That Kristen's platelets would start to show some recover so that she doesn't need them every day. That we (especially me) can focus on the today and quit looking down the road.

Please also lift up Truman, he is the 9 year old that I've mentioned in the past that had a leg amputated due to Osteosarcoma. I read on his caring bridge site that he often struggles with depression over the lose of his leg. He especially has trouble at night. He told his momma that it's like he's in a dark cave and his momma is his only light. When she goes away at bedtime he's alone in the cave. His dog Happy sleeps with him so his mom said that Happy has enough light to share with him to see him through the night. It makes me think of all the young children that struggle with cancer. Often they find themselves in this dark cave. It's often difficult for them to express their depression. So pray for Truman and all of children like him struggling to come to terms with the changes that cancer has brought to their lives.